Well it’s been a strange few days. If you’re a regular reader of my blogs, you’ll know that I got ‘involved’ with Britain’s Got Talent just before Christmas of last year. To cut a long story short, they came down to film me sing a song, I did another filmed audition down here, several interviews, phone calls and e-mails later, I was suddenly at the Dominion Theatre in London, lined up in front of the firing squad (judges) and ready to go national. That was filmed in February.

Again, as you may have read in a previous blog, I stepped up in front of the microphone to sing Queen’s, ‘I want to break free,’ sang the opening line and got four buzzers simultaneously that were so loud and shocking at the time, it felt I been put to death in the electric chair. I flounced off stage, had a chat with Ant n’ Dec and caught the last train back to Brighton. On the train home there was much discussion whether I’d make the show. Yes, I looked good. I’ve learnt in my years of fronting a band, that if you can’t sing, you have to make up for it in other areas. So sling on a gold cat suit, slap on a bit of make-up and go out there and be beautiful. I was confident with that side of things.

But the actual performance? Well I never performed. I knelt down, I got up, I walked up to the mic and was told to go home. Not very entertaining. So it came as a surprise when I got the call last week to say that Vince Venus had made the cut. I was delighted. And then you start thinking about how they are going to portray you. It was out of my hands and in their control. I don’t like being out of control. It’s not a nice feeling.

Anyway, on Saturday night, friends and family gathered around the TV, I had my moment. And I was very happy with it. Considering, in Ant n’ Dec’s own words, that it was the ‘quickest exit ever,’ I got quite a bit of airtime (having made fleeting appearances in the previous two shows) and I looked beautiful. Obviously.

What you can never be prepared for, is the aftermath. I had just been on the most-watched TV show of the year so far. 11.2 million people tuned in that night. The next day, I had made national headlines in the Mirror, my YouTube clip had been seen by 100,000 people (at the time of writing) and my ‘I’ve been here for 14 hours’ line to Ant N’ Dec had gone viral. It was even shown again on ITV’s This Morning. And there’s something very odd about strangers talking about your penis on social media . All in all, I loved it. Vince Venus had made his mark on the nation, albeit briefly and to be honest, that was always the grand plan. Now it’s back to the day job.

But he did ask me to tell you, he’s available for public appearances and children’s parties. Oh, and he’s very expensive.