So on the eve of her Majesty’s (I have to call her that, she’s a big fan of my blogs) Diamond Jubilee, how do I feel about Lizzie? (She only reads the first few words and then gets distracted by the picture). Well, it’s hard to say really.

In my youth, I was very anti-royals. But that is the thing to do when you’re young. In fact, I was so incensed by the Queen and the Royal Family, that I left the country. Although to be fair, this had more to do with not wanting to work and being lured by the backpacker lifestyle in Australia. A funny thing happened when I went to Oz though. I became more British. I can proudly remember singing the national anthem loudly at the cricket, with a St.George’s cross painted on my face. I became more patriotic as time went on and by the fifth year in Sydney, I was ready to come home and embrace England again.

'Does one like the lime green look?'

And there lies the problem. The Royal Family are everything I hate about this country. The class system, the money wasted on their lavish lifestyle, just the overwhelming feeling that THEY are looking down on US. And what do they do? Cut ribbons, wave, fill sensational tabloid headlines (I miss those days) and bring in a few tourists.

On the other hand, it’s everything I love about being England. They are a dysfunctional family. We can mock them. We can turn our noses up at the rich, just as they do at us. They entertain us. They are something to look at. I tried to avoid the Royal Wedding last year but when I sat down to watch it, it was gloriously English. I enjoyed it. I quite like the pomp. There’s nowhere else in the world quite like it.

So which side of the fence am I sitting on? Am I a Royalist or a Republican? Do you know what? I’m going to park my arse firmly on the fence and say I’m not bothered either way. Harry and Wills seem like nice fella’s but so do Marvin and Aston from JLS. The Queen seems like a nice old lady but so was my gran.

At the end of the day, they are just people born in to a family that just happens to have its roots in royalty. Most of the country probably feels as ambivalent as me. Let’s not hate them, let’s quietly respect them as we should do any human being, whilst taking the piss from afar. We’re World Champions at that.