So it’s been a bit of a process, as they say in the world of therapy, this whole Britain’s Got Talent thing. I’m usually allowed 450 words in the magazine columns that I write but with the first blog I wrote on the whole experience, that was nowhere near enough and I found myself writing over a thousand in the end. It can be a cathartic experience, blogging and this was a good example.

I did write that blog a couple of days after my BGT audition but it was the Saturday afterwards (I auditioned on the Wednesday) that I crashed. Not mentally thankfully but physically. I was so exhausted. A tiredness that I hadn’t experienced before. Utterly broken. And thinking back, it was a punishing day. I had nine hours of intense interviews, staged pieces to camera, chats with producers, chats with other contestants (my favourite bit) and a lot of sitting around. Just sitting and waiting. And when my moment came, it was over in seconds. The judges took one look at me, heard my voice (it was awful) and decided that they wanted to go home and would, by coincidence, also be sending me in that direction.

Now I’d gone in as a character, Vince Venus and there was two reasons for this; self-perseveration and comedy value. If I acted the twat and came across as a twat, then it’s Vince’s fault, not mine. I didn’t see this as a career opportunity. A record contract was never going to happen. I already have my dream job. Did I want to raise my profile? Of course I did. At every opportunity. But I’ve been watching the show for years and I knew what I was letting myself in for. I knew I was at the hands of Cowell and his evil empire. But I also knew the opportunity to mince around on stage in a catsuit in front of a potential national audience, was too good to turn down. I simply had to do it. It’s a similar feeling when I walk in to a karaoke bar.I have to get up and sing. It’s in the blood.

As a performer though, it does hurt to have someone tell you to get off stage. Especially after fifteen seconds (a record according to Ant N’ Dec). Ask any comedian, actor, compere, etc. It’s your worst nightmare. It’s a kick in the egotistical balls. But that’s the nature of the show and I left with grace and a smile on my face. As I mentioned previously, if you’re going to fall, fall spectacularly. Notice I use the word fall, rather than fail. It’s just one letter of difference but I don’t believe in failure. I don’t do failure. It’s a terrible word that should be banished from the English Dictionary. I didn’t fail on Britain’s Got Talent. I had a ball, despite some of the things I’ve mentioned previously. It was a great experience and I hope you get to see my balls (it was a very tight catsuit) on national TV soon.